I need to say something

At this point, I wish to clarify something......and it is often overlooked.

My NPD can be very, very nice! So much so, that he often comes close to fooling even ME!

I have had to remind myself of something....the fact that he can be wonderful or close to it means NOTHING. Because......it is like a firefighter who goes to battle an awesome, terrible blaze. He puts it out. He is a HERO!

Yeah, but stop.......wait. How would you feel when you find out he is the one who SET THE BLAZE?

That is what an abusive NPD is. I can no longer wishwash back and forth about "He is the WORST thing that has ever happened to me and the best thing that ever happened to me"- (because he supports me now).

He is the one that stripped that ability of me doing that for myself. HE is the one who has battered me senseless time after time. And now he lies about it.

Not going to give him $#*+ for credit. Bottom line. The wrong that he has done can never, ever be "outweighed". Forgiveness- yes. This game of "balance"? Doesn't work that way.

Any thoughts?