Re: how to set limits and handling inner fear.

thanks for your answer.I think you are right.But I also realize I have to sort out what are his issues and what are mine.Just to create some space and observe.He is a good person ,but has to work on his own issues and I can't take them as mine.What you said about guys want us to stand up for ouselves and respect us more when we are not so pleasing ,youare totally right:He likes it more if I stand up for my rights even if he might feel challenged about it onthe surface but deep down i think he prefers it to me just being weak and complaining.I was down with flu this weekend and he supported me and I could see that when I really need him he is there,but also that he has to work thru his own things and there I have to leave him on his own.He said that he is aware that he is so irritable with me and feels sorry,he was trying to be more patient and says it is his issue and not my fault.he also says that it is probably sth from his childhood with his mother who got very weak,and dependent on him when his father abandonned her when he was a teenager and she manipulated him with being unwell and emotionally very dependent on him.When I get unwell and dependent he says it irrationally makes him feel trapped and he closes up and blocks becoming cold and hets irritated because he would like to be different.All the frustration comes out as pickering on me(BUt he says when it happens he is not aware of all that ,just stuck to the apparent thing).big hug and I'll keep posting.thanks for your help