I really really hate this

Hello everyone. I've come on here a bunch of times saying "Today's my first day. I want to do this!" But i never pull through. I haven't even made it past a day. I look at Marion who started the same time as me, already lost 15 lbs and is looking to anohter fast and then i look at myself in disgust. I've wanted to lose 25 lbs through fasting ever since the beginning ofOctober and I've failed everytime. I've gotten to the point where both of my parents, who suually wouldn't touch the topic with a ten foot pole, have talked to me about my weight gain saying they are "really concerned". I hate myself like this. I disgust myself. I wasn to badely to lose weight but always discourage myseld by the end of day 1 saying its not going to work. I don't know what to do. I want this so bad!! Any encouragement/tips would be appreciated.

Thanks,
same o' Jill