Re: Devastated

Excellent a degree of honesty about family life.

Let me tell you about my dose of family life. I thought my family was normal hurting others(emotionally)was deemed to be normal, then eureka! I found it it was all garbish everything emotionally was biased towards the drama triangle of men behaving badly a fearful and unprotecting mother and me stuck in the middle practicing my family skills by hurting my brother. Normal life

With hindsight the bravest thing was to leave. I tried several times but returned because I felt so insecure. I did leave eventually thinking I had escaped only to find that I recreated that what I knew best a controlling enviroment whereupon I could deny and hurt my new family. All is not black and white at the same time as hurting I earnt money to look after everyone and gave the appearance that all was well.

Part of true love is freedom and honesty and for children protection. It appears that you are being denied (have been) as a child, but are you really a child? Beyond a certain age you have to realise that you have grown up and ready to move on even though you don t want to feel it. It is hard. (I know several people who are living with their parents beyond the age of 50) The question I ask myself was I ever truely loved: The answer is no, I wasn t protected nor was offered or taught how to be truely free. I was brought up as a dependant, to be a victim. to victimize others emotionally. The only way that I loved back was to be needy, (that was only way I knew). Part of me felt bad about it and and I was angry with them and frustrated with myself.

Your experiences may not be the same but the same values are missing, you have not been given freedom, the self confidence the ability to self love and hence the difficulty in leaving is understandable. Result - lack of confidence and frustration.

My thoughts are go foreward with awareness and conviction about leaving. release as much emotion as possible (be angry on paper) and recognise your wants and wishes, but eventually be accepting without blame and guilt. And trust that everything works out for the best