Re: Is it me or him?? PLEASE RESPOND!!!!!

Hi 23813,

Well sure, you have a perfect right to feel what you feel, especially as a mom who is just about to be a double mom and wants lots of support and emotional presence from the mate in the nest.

Self-absorbing distractions can be really tough! Doesn't matter what kind of addiction. Sports, job, hunting, whatever. I know a couple of 15 years that is being torn apart because one of them can't stop playing math games. She's been doing it all night for ages; doubled her body weight by just sitting on a couch, can't work full time any more, hasn't had sex in years, can't do the housework or help with the dishes, too busy staring at a screen, sometimes doesn't respond to conversations for days. Math!!!!!

Just because it's p 0 r n, does not mean that his sex drive is super-high or that you are unattractive!!! A guy who is totally focused on his woman will be wildly excited by her expanding tummy (and will want to listen to little kicks and engage in baby talk even at 3 a.m.)

And sure, he does sound like a good guy in the ways that you described. Except for this distraction, which sounds like a really stressful way of dealing with stress.

Also I see no indication that he sees this as a problem or is asking you to help him stop. Sounds like he is not listening to you when you suggest that he ease off. So it looks like, I'm sorry to say, the one going into counseling or getting support of some kind is gonna be you.

This sounds very familiar by the way, similar to a wife who posted about this before. In fact, maybe that was you. Here is the question for right now: what kind of support do you have? You deserve lots of friends around you and good sane adults. Who is there? I hope you have a morning routine that nurtures you and your child so that you don't have to watch anybody being too engrossed to relate.

And by the way, how old is your other child? It would be good if he or she was not seeing this on screen. Also, is the computer or software licensed in your name? If so, it could be a worthwhile idea to set up a computer of your own that is separate with a separate password, for your own work and files.

Let us know how you're doing,
Blessings,
A

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