Find a new love! You sound to me to be very unhappy love is not suppose to hurt. I know you still love him and its hard to give up on someone you love, but you got to love you also. I've been in a relationship like that before and it to me a long time to realize things was not going to change.Make a list with all his positive and negative qualities and see if the good out way the bad.If it does not then maybe you need to move on.You dont need to be someone that makes you cry you will end losing all the love you have inside and you might miss out on finding truelove with someone else.