If this is a legitimate post, then read on.
The problem here is not so much that you have thoughts about your ex, rather the real issues are about your selection criteria BEFORE you married the beaufiful ice princess. There are some points that YOU need to consider. Did you know before you married her that she was emotionally unavailable? ( You did know that she was physically off limits).If you were aware, why did you marry her? If you did not know, where were you- on Mars?
Most certainly your ex has severe emotional problems and is NOT a suitable candidate for even a date,let alone a marriage.
You sound like you are married to a fine loving woman,and yet you are longing for the ice maiden? You do need professionaal help to get some insight into this somewhat bizarre dilemma.Please do so before your yearnings start to contaminate your current relationship.