Astounded by your words of wisdom

Here is my reply:

J: Why are you concerned about his having naked pictures of >his ex-girlfriends? After all, he has memories which no >amount of screaming is going to take away from him, and >those are far more tantalizing, I'd bet, than mere >pictures sitting in a shoe box somewhere.

L: HELLO!!! Would you not be concerned if YOUR GIRLFRIEND had NAKED pictures of her X laying around and refused to throw them away??? I cant believe I have to ask you this. NO REALLY I want to know. And if the answer truly is “no” that there is something wrong.
Do you have some kind of swinger lifestyle or do you just not care. I can tell you that we’re in love and that we live together and are serious. If I didn’t care about this and said “Okay this is fine behavior” than I might as well say I don’t give a crap about him.
Now the thing about his memories . . . Um what can I say. It just makes me SICK! Do you have a girl friend??? If not I know why! Do you know that when you are seriously in love you DO NOT fantasize about having sex with past ex’s??? If you don’t then you have never been in love or and/or are too shallow to give advice on the subject. PERIOD.
FYI, I don’t scream at him. If I ever gave you that impression somehow I was just exaggerating.

J:Or perhaps you'll insist he should wipe his memory of any >past relationships? Will you do the same for him? Do you >have any love letters you've held onto from past >boyfriends?

L: As for me, I forget about my past boyfriends. There is no reason to remember the sexual aspects especially and my brain just kind automatically does this. If I dwelled on this sort of thing that would make me think there is something wrong with me that I cannot let go of the past. I might have to go to a counselor to get over my fixation with my ex-boyfriend.
Do I have love letters from the past? NO! if I did why would be so upset about this? Are you implying that I could be a hypocrite? No, I don’t have love letters and even if I DID a love letter is not the same as NAKED PICTURES.

J:To me, your reaction is a common jealousy thing, and >here's the thing I've learned about jealousy: it only >occurs in those who don't know their own worth. I know >that the only times I've been jealous is when I've >considered myself to be inferior to others, or when I made >my opinion of myself depend on the way others treated me. >Note that it was me considering that -- no one else was >telling me outright that I was something less than >everyone else, but I sure could read it into anything >anyone else did. And then I'd get mad about it and >demonstrate all the typical jealousy reactions -- all >because I decided that something someone else did meant >that my value as a human being was low.

L: At least I know that I’m worthy of being treated better than this. I want to know what kind trashy girl would allow her man to look at naked pictures of his ex’s(maybe the kind that would go out with you?). I’m NOT one of those. I’m not going to be the meek and mild little woman that just lets her man do what ever he wants and walk all over her feelings, either. I’m worth more that a couple of pictures and if he loves me than he should NOT have a problem in the world to throw them away. I know I wouldn’t. But I know way too many girls that let their men get away with murder practically, and I don’t want to be one of them.


J:Like it or not, he had past girlfriends. He might even >still have feelings for some of them. It's difficult to >say without asking him.

L: Hey, guess what! I have past boyfriends and he has past girlfriends and its all good. If he has feelings like that for his past girlfriends than he has issues with that and has no business getting in to a serious relationship until he moves on. Anyway he has stated that he has no feelings for his past girlfriend which is good.

J:But, to me, anyway, I don't have to divide love between >people. I don't love my first child half as much when my >second child is born -- instead, I have more love. I don't >see why it's should be much different with other people, >such as past lovers. But that's all in the past...


L: So your saying, by that so called logic, that to have multiple partners is okay . That is perfectly fine for you and others . . . Me and MY boyfriend have an understanding that we are exclusively each others so THAT MEANS that it IS NOT okay for him to love another woman just as much as he loves me and it the same way (sexually for example).
Your attempt at an analogy just doesn’t work! Your comparison to my love for my boyfriend to the love for a child is ludicrous. Everyone knows there are different kinds of love. A mothers love, and child’s love, a lover’s love; you don’t love your girlfriend in the same way that you love your children obviously! (If you do than there is something very wrong!).

J:Granted, the pictures were taken in the buff, which is >certainly different than him keeping his yearbooks, for >example, but still, they're just images. And, from what >you've stated, he didn't exactly "leave them around" for >you to find, but had that neatly stashed away in a shoe >box. How would you feel if he started digging through your >purse?

L: Your d**n right it’s different!!
I wasn’t digging through his personal stash either. It is my apartment now and I gave him full warning that I was going to clean out the closet because it was stuffed full of trash and I needed to move my clothes in there. I was doing him a favor and he DID know I was going in there. BTW I don’t mind my boyfriend going trough my purse. I don’t keep secrets from my boyfriend which is as it should be in a loving relationship. He shouldn’t have to keep secrets from me because the foundation of any good relationship should be trust and friendship.

J:If you want him to change to be the guy you want him to >be, you're only going to end up disappointed in the end -- >or he will be. Disappointment does not a good relationship >make.

L: If he was disappointed in me for standing up for my feelings than he’s certainly not a very understanding guy and not the kind of guy for me, or any woman really. I’m not going to be disappointed in him unless he doesn’t try. For any relationship to really work both sides have to try and understand each others feelings but some times we also have to put our foot and not let the other walk all over us. Sometimes we DO have to change for the better.

love,
Lilac




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