Re: returning to practice after a long absence...

woodlawn,

I am sorry if the majority of my post was not very helpful, and I'm glad to hear that you have found at least something positive in it, even if that something was only a reminder of what you may have already known. :)

Yes, we all come from different places and experiences. That is what allows us to provide different perspectives. Nobody will understand your situation 100% except for you. Other people may experience "similar", but never the same, as your experiences are absolutely unique to you. Different perspectives are what allow us to see beyond our current "limited" vision and see our problems and obstacles in a new light, so that we can better work through them and move past them.

I hope that my post has provided at least some perspective, even if the majority of it isn't immediately useful to you. And I also must thank you for providing ME with YOUR perspective, especially in your response. I greatly enjoy seeing things "through the eyes of others" so to speak, and you could even say it is somewhat of an obsession of mine. :)

I have noticed that you have made many introspective and observational comments about your own situation, which is wonderful. It shows that you really are interested in putting forth the effort to work through your current obstacles. Not that I had any doubt to start with, but a lot of people ask for help out of frustration even though deep down they don't REALLY want to work through their problems... they don't want to make the necessary changes within themselves to mature, adapt, and overcome their obstacles. "Where there is a will there is a way." ... and THAT is why I have no doubt that you will work through your current problems. Remember that all of these challenges, obstacles and problems are only temporary... they don't stay with you forever. :)

I certainly did take notice of the "anxiety" and "irrational anger" parts of your post, but I chose (possibly in error) not to comment on them directly, since my post was already getting quite long. Maybe it was an unwise decision on my part.

No anger is ever "irrational", although it may be "irrationally placed". Anger, frustration, and all other negative emotions are all "effects" that don't exist without a "cause". When we aren't fully aware of the "source" of those emotions, we can often manifest or "place" those emotions onto something completely unrelated to the original source or cause. A simple example is that of a husband who has had a particularily bad day at work. He comes home and snaps at his wife even though she has done nothing. That is "irrational placement", because the husband isn't very aware of the source of his anger, or how to cope with it. He may later apologize to his wife and say that it was "irrational", but at some point earlier in the day there was a cause for that anger that entered into him undetected. Instead of becoming aware of it and destroying it at the "time of the cause", he unwittingly allowed it to enter into him and express itself for the rest of the day.

You can hunt down and eradicate all negative emotions. All it takes is introspection and awareness. Those emotions are invaders, tresspassers, which can only exist in the "darkness" of unawareness... infact they thrive in it. When you shed the light of awareness on them... just by SEEING them and being aware of them, they begin to wither away and die. So wield that all-powerful weapon called "meditation", and destroy the intruders. They have no place in your kingdom.

Now, a lot of what I've just said may not pertain to you directly, but I felt a need to "discourse" anyway. These words are only the ramblings of an unqualified fool, but at the very least they are something to think about. :)

Your ally, whether you know it or not,
--James
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