abused as a child

i am 36 years old now. i was sexually abused from the time i was 5 until 14 i guess. these men that abused me were men that my mother knew and dated. i was malested by two teenage girls when i was 10. lately i have started remebering things aboout my past and things that my father had done to me when i was younger. i don't know how to deal with these feelings.

me and my father have never been close no matter how hard i tried to get close to him. i have been sexually active all my life. never really could understand the reasonning behind it. i have tried to commit suicide twice once when i was 15 and again when i was 32.

I have been married twice both ending badly. i always want to please a man and never get anything in return. i pick alot of losers that take advantage of me.

Today i am alone. i hit the bottom two years ago quit my job and moved away from my family. i have done many things in my life that i am not proud of. i always wondered why i was never able to carry a child full term after i had my abortion when i was 15.

i guess now god decided he didn't want history repeating itsef.

today i live with my mother and my sister's son.
i am finally working again, but the bad days out weigh the good ones. Tweet