Re: Does any one understand?

First off you must stop calling the insest "it" and start calling it by it's real name. You need to stop negating that you were sexually abused and it was wrong. You are not to blame, you did nothing to make it happen. You were an innocent naive child. You can't ignore it forever, otherwise the pain will just fester inside of you until it bursts out, and don't worry because it will.

I am 32 also. I have been healing for the last 4 years, and I mean deep down intensive healing. I was raped for 8 years of my life by my brother who is 6 years older than I. I thought I was okay for a long time, that I was over it. It's just that I wasn't feeling anything. I couldn't cry, I couldn't get angry, all I could do was laugh. I could laugh because that was an okay emotion to have and everything else was bad. I believed that nobody loved me and I had to work twice as hard as everyone else just to be at their level. I had to buy my friends. I could never say no. I would cling to any man that would show me affection. Which of course would drive them away and confirm to me that nobody would ever love me.

That's my story. As for your family falling apart, you'll be amazed how strong people are and what they can handle. Also, you could be missing out on a wonderful support system. My family has walked besides me every step of the way since I told them. The world didn't split in two, little birds did not die and my family was not destroyed. Which amazed the *%#&¤?§* out of me, but they were alright and we all are working through it.

Coming to this board and posting a message is only the first step. But you took it and you should be proud of yourself. If you would like to take another, buy the book Courage to Heal. It helped me tremendously. I'm sure it could help you too.

Take care and know that someday you will know peace and happiness.

Megan Tweet