Re: Abused by my Father - my story

I'm new to this but I felt a need to share my story.

In our family there are nine kids. Yeah, nine. My step father provided for us and raised us as his own (he married a woman with 6 kids). I was very young when she married him - 4. I had always referred to him as "Daddy" - we all have but the oldest.

Anyway, when I was 17 (almost 18) it was my turn to become the "care giver" in the house. I would cook for the younger ones and clean up while my mom was at work (she worked 3-11 shift). My step dad started drinking and asking me personal questions about my sex life. This got uncomfortable. I had mentioned this to my mother and her response was "talk to him! He's your father". Anyway, the next night he was asking me questions again like "with my first boyfriend did I have an orgasm" stuff like that.

Finally he told my little brother (12 at the time) to watch the kids that he and I were going for a drive. On the back roads of this small country town he proceeds to tell me that he is going to give me an orgasm himself by "playing with me and then having sex with me". I was floored! I told him no and he asked "why not?". I told him because he was my father that's why. He was actually stunned that I said no. I asked "what about mom?" He said "well, she doesn't satisfy me anymore". I told him it was not my job to satisfy him.

He drove me back to the house and told me not to tell. He also said he would give me money if I would say yes. I just jerked away from him and ran into the house.

I could not sleep that night at all. My mother came home but I waited until the next morning. I heard her get up (she was always first to get up) and I told her EVERYTHING. I was sobbing my eyes out. She then told my siblings who threatened to "beat the hell out of me" if I didn't take it back. Later it was learned that he had also done this to my older sister but she never said no. She was 15 and my step-dad was her first after forcing her to drink a coke with alcohol in it. He told her that no one would believe her if she told and that my mother would kick her out if she ever said anything.

Later in my life I ended up marrying a very abusive husband. I finally got counceling but I still do not trust men and I have not been in a relationship for 14 years. My mother - to this day - will tell my brothers and sisters she does not believe me. The anger I felt towards her was even greater than towards him because I felt she failed to protect me.

I learned - in couseling - that they don't have to be a biological relative for it to be incest. All they have to do is take a parental role of trust. It is the worst kind of betrayal. I am so thankful that I found a friend that got me into counseling and I am so thankful that I found the strength to tell him NO. I might not be here otherwise.