"two sides of yourself being opposed"

"two sides of yourself being opposed" That very much resonates with me. In this dream, I am the murderer...catching myself in the act of murder... even though... as a boxer...no charge of murder would ever be charged against me by a court of law....but taher...I judge myself as murderer...and kick that murderer out of my soul...

"...committing acts that would under normal circumstances repulse them" and very much so...but there that aspect of me was...just as in war...

I had a dream...a knowing that
I was a German fighter pilot in WW II that grew sick of the killing. In my knowing, it was me as if in another life, who shot down American bombers as the flew over France and Germany on day and night-time mission. I had killed so many men because of my good eyesight... I could fire just out of range of the gunner's view and I was always able to spot the American fighters from far away and make a quick escape.

In the end though... I was jumped by American fighters...probably P-51 Mustangs even though something tells me there may have been a P-47 Thunderbolt in some way involved... I was shot from behind at an angle...I believe my wingman must have been taken out as well...The rounds ripped through my cockpit and entered my ribs from the back side of my right side...shattering my ribs and tearing out my right lung... It was at this moment I clearly remember what I said outloud.... "Good, the killing is over" and I died. My parting thought was of my wingman...who I assumed was dead... I thought about and his family...whom he loved dearly... I grimaced and winced in pain at the thought of the uselessness of war...and I died.

9 Bells...wholeness... divine judgement... perhaps the inner divinity in me pronounced me murderer and wholeness...I don't know? I judged myself. But...all I wanted to do was divorce myself from the boxer...and the dead man me? If both aspects of me are killer and the killed...then both of me voluntarily participated in the boxing... Where is there wholeness in the dream? All I want to do is expunge that aspect of me from off of me...the voluntary victim and the murderer...both...?