Head Hammer Violence :(

Man o' man. This dream woke me up horrified this morning at 4:00. I've had others before and it always makes me think, "what kind of person am I?".

To preface, hubby has just gone away for a month. I feel very relaxed in the knowledge that I only have to care for one human being (me!) for a while. I've nested right in at home and am planning on doing some serious sadhana (spiritual practice) and some creative stuff. I went to a talk by an Ayurvedic doctor on Sunday who said that when all is well, only pleasant dreams come. Do you think that's true?

Here's my dream:

Someone had come into "our" house to do some kind of work; seemed like some high pressured air thing. When they left and "we" (?) went back in again whatever they had done had caused all the nasties to come out of the woodwork so to speak...cockroaches, bugs hanging from the corners of the cupboards etc. I saw a HUGE cockroach (like I never even saw in India). I justified killing it to whoever I was with by saying, "Do you really want this thing in the house?". I picked up my hammer and smacked the cockroach with the side of the hammer, flattening its mid-section. Then a huge thing ran by....like a rat or a cat, but a little bigger than a cat and with a bigger head than a cat. I started to strike at it with the hammer too, wherever I could, in the body and the head. My hammering was not doing much and I started to think that I was hurting it too much and that I should kill it quickly to put it out of its misery. I started to concentrate on the head, taking big hits with the hammer. It was still moving around and walking, chunks of its fur were hanging off but it was not bleeding. It was on its back rolling up almost fetal with its legs above its head. I was still striking and it wouldn't die. It started to seem very human, tho' did not look human. It was absolutely horrifying. Then I woke making a terrible noise.

The thing that stood out from the dream is that it was clearly "my" hammer. It was blue and silver just like mine, a very high quality hammer purchased from my sculptor days. The hammer is always around my apartment in view. I use it for all kinds of things, unconventional. Just used it on the weekend to help my neighbour break in after he was locked out. But never to kill anything. I don't kill bugs ever, I shuttle them outside.

I would really appreciate any thoughts you might have about this dream. It is very disturbing for me to cause someone or something harm. I have had 2 or 3 similar dreams before. I wake up feeling horrified and wondering, to be honest, if I'm a bad person, or if I have something violent in me.

Many thanks everyone,
Janaki