Re: the husband that turned out to be a munster

No, I do not feel I come off as judgemental at all. I just think that you need to communicate in a relationship either way and let each other know what's going on. Why just "take care of it yourself" when the other person is sitting there clueless feeling like you just must not be attracted to them anymore? I just think there is a big problem when a guy goes to p 0 r n instead of his girlfriend for sex. Of course it hurts big time to find that out. I have never turned him down for sex, and I felt like I was always the one who wanted it more. I asked him years ago to buy me lingerie for Xmas or my birthday, and he acted weird about it but reluctantly did it ONCE. So after that I felt awkward about bringing even little things like that up! If anything I felt like I was more sexual than him. He only approached me like once a week, and if I tried to initiate there were a few times he turned me down, so I was afraid of more rejection after that. I had flat out told him I'm horny before, and he ignored it! He was also a heavy pot smoker (whole other problem) which is another reason I felt like he might have a lower sex drive, so I didn't push it. I accepted things the way they were until I found out he was using his sexual energy elsewhere when I am sitting here feeling deprived, thinking he just had a low sex drive.
I'm not saying I'm perfect, but we were both kind of shy and maybe some things were misunderstood. I think anything goes sexually between 2 people, and I'm not the kind to turn down ideas, but he never had any ideas or suggestions, either. So if he wanted to try something new and didn't tell me, then that's not my fault. I'm not a mind reader! His parents were both divorced several times so I think he may have also had some intimacy issues. And another problem in our relationship was that we never talked about getting married because he thinks "everyone just gets divorced anyways".