I really feel for you. I had an incisional hernia last week following my second c section and it was a lot bigger than they thought. I've had the bottom of my stomach corrected where the hernia was and they discovered that the incision going up my stomach was also wide open and had been for the last 6 months so that has had to be fixed with mesh.
I don't know how long you've had yours for now but surgery is definitely the way to go as it gets much more painful (and bigger) the longer you leave it. I had to wait on a long list so mine was quite bad and has been very painful since surgery but that's only to be expected I suppose.
It's very difficult trying to juggle life after an op, (I have 2 small children) but if you have the support hopefully you'll be fine.