When i read you message i felt compelled to respond to you. You see the exact same thing happended to me!!! i was 14 and raped by a friend of a friend who afterwards threatned to kill me if i told anyone he even parolled the streets around where i lived to intimidate me further. At the time i blamed myself thought it had something to do with what i was wearing, maybe i gave out the wrong signals but upon experience i realise this had nothing to do with me. Like yourself for about 13 years i buried the feelings and convinced myself that everything was okay but i now realise without professional help i'll never get over this fully. So i'm currently waiting to see a counselor and hope that there is a little light at the end of the tunnel for me so that i can eventually pursue a relationship that will last.