raped as 14 year old virgin feel nothing about it

dear all i am new to curezone. i am a female in my 40's and i was raped when i was 14 by a young man in our neighborhood that was 19. he would always try to talk to me when i was at my school bus stop or out in the neighborhood. i was flattered and my girlfriends were impressed because he was very nice looking. one day i was walking near his house when he saw me and invited me to listen to a new record he bought. like a fool i went in his house and his family was not home. anyway he raped me. i put up a good fight but i finally gave in and just layed there. for some reason about halfway through it he picked me up and carried me into a bathroom and layed me on a cold linolium floor to finish what he started. i had never had sex before. no one had ever touched me anywhere but a kiss on the lips a couple of times. after it was over i ran home. i put my jeans which had blood on them in the washing machine. i was worried my mother would get home and find out what happened. i knew that she would blame me because she was already beating me up at that point. i never told anyone about this until i was 30 years old. i never have had many feelings about this. i have never shed a tear over it. i dont know why because i can be an emotional person at times. i dont know if i dont care or if i feel it was my fault or what. it just seems to have no significance to me. any thoughts? Tweet