Re: when your ex seems to have moved on and you're left there ... alone

When you are in pain it rarely helps to hear that there is someone worse off then you. Your pain is your pain; there's always someone worse off and someone better off.

You say that it was you that finished this relationship and that you are aware that you don't want to be with this guy. Not only that but that it would be a mistake to ring him because really you would be using him to save you from your loneliness. There are so many people out there whose relationships are built on the fear of being alone, if you ask me and I have been there, this is the loneliest place in the world. To wake up next to someone and feel a lone is so much worse then being alone.

You know what, I don't know you or your ex or anything about your life except for the brief bit you have mentioned here but I would take a quess and I could be wrong that your relationship masked a lot of pain fear and loneliness. You could spend a life time with someone you didn't really love someone you were dependant on in the hope that they were going to take that all away. What a waste of a life. That loneliness isn't about being on your own. You can be on your own and feel happy and comfortable with your own company and you can be in a crowded room or with someone you love and feel lonely.

Its about feeling connected to your self and the world, universe outside of your self, which I quess is all one and the same. For some reason right now you don't feel that connection, that love. Your cut off, disconnected and I feel for you because I have been in that place and it's a frightening place to be.

I have just read a book called The Journey by Brandon Bays, she believes that we should stay with feelings such as loneliness. Sit with it for awhile don't run away from it, don't avoid it by drinking alcohol or eating or phoning people or any of those things we can use to take us away from a feeling that is too uncomfortable to feel. She say's to stay with it and feel it fully and if you do this you will drop down in to the feeling that is just under the feeling your feeling. Often we may be masking a feeling with another feeling that is easier then the buried feeling to feel, if you know what I mean. Like say anger, often people get anger when really they are sad but anger is an easier emotion because you do not feel as helpless.

Anyway Brandon is of the opinion that if you allow your self to drop through these feelings you will come home to your self and find a place of love and peace. You’re true nature. I must say that I haven't tried her techniques as of yet but I have got her book and dvd and as soon as I feel ready and I have the time to give to it I will.

I believe that you cannot truly be with another human until you can be with yourself. I hope that you come through this painful time and reconnect with yourself and others. Then if you meet someone you truly want to be with, you are honestly bringing yourself to that relationship and what a relationship that will be. Based on desire and love and not on need, I wish you love and this comes I belive from an ablity to connect to life, not from one other person!! These are just my thoughts but there sentt with the best intent!!

Best thoughts Moonie




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