Re: Is she cheating on me? (Very Long)

Dear Tom,
There are some things in life that you just simply cannot control. If she cheats or if she doesn't...well that is one of those things.

If you suspect that she is, she probably is.
(you know it in your bones when something isn't right)

Now you need to figure out if it is your own insecurities, or your intuition that is speaking to you.

Being a female, I can tell you that one of the BIGGEST turn-offs is an insecure man. Women will tolerate alot of poor qualities in a man, but eventually the insecurity-neediness thing is a deal breaker.

If you are so suspicious...you need to look within as to where that is coming from. Are you cheating? do you wish that you could? Would you if the oportunity presented itself? How about if you knew you wouldn't get caught??

Often times the suspicious one is projecting something of themselves onto that person that they suspect.

If you are going to be "out there" searching for someone to tell you she's a cheat...there will always be someone to accomodate that need. (remember- misery loves company) Unhappy people will gladly say anything to make themselves and their unhappiness seem less dire.

So STOP IT!

If you cannot, then you are not right for eachother anyway. The spying, the prying questions to try to catch a lie, the suspiciousness, all of them are NOT rooted in love.

If you love this girl, then LOVE her. If she proves to be a cheat, or even "not the right one for you" at least you will know that you have loved genuinely and truely and when it is all over with you won't have those stupid "what if's" going around in your mind and heart, because you will know that YOU deserve to be loved and know how to love.

Do not allow yourself to develop unhealthy patterns in the way that you choose to view the object of you affection.

Now...on the other hand. If you know for certain that you are in a bad relationship, or you are being cheated on, and you stay in that relationship...all you are doing is damaging yourself, and will cause only other "damaged persons" to be drawn to you. If you ever found the right and perfect and faithful mate, you will be so wounded from the past injuries of tolerating a cheat that you will not be able to "be present" because your mind and heart will always be throwing you back into the pains the YOU allowed yourself to endure...hence poisoning any future fertile soil that love may blossom and flourish in.

So I say take a risk, allow yourself to be blinded by love. When you listen to her, listen with your heart, not your suspicious mind. Likewise love with your whole self, not with your brain Tweet