oh, don't worry too much about me! :) It's just my lot to have this kind of challenge because I've met so many challenges successfully. There isn't much else I can face that will spur spiritual growth at this point, I've conquered all my fears, including fear of death. Fear of illness was my only fear left! So if I can go thru this while remaining peaceful and joyful, then I'll know for sure that I'm a fine spirtual warrior. :)