Re: Leaving BPD wife after 8 years

Ham-cereal, I'm so sorry to read about your situation, and I'm sorrier that there are 3 children involved.

Borderline ....... has she been diagnosed as borderline, or does she exhibit the symptoms?  There are specific dangers with regard to borderlines depending upon which cluster they fall into.  Some will threaten suicide while others will attempt suicide as a provocation.  Physical violence is not uncommon, regardless of gender.

If you are done with this marriage, I would strongly encourage you to become involved in individual / private counseling.  A lot happens to a person when they've lived in a traumatic situation, and men tend to "cope" with this trauma quite differently from women. 

THEN, I would hire the best attorney that I could find.  Borderlines do not like to lose, and they will manipulate Family Courts for their own benefit and drama/trauma entertainment.  They will also use children as tools or weapons.  This is particularly difficult when the mother is a serious problem.  BUT, if you begin counseling therapy with a trauma specialist, and continue going to sessions, etc., this will be of benefit not only in the divorce, but also for you, personally, in the long run so that you don't choose another disordered person as a partner.

I also tried to "fix" a very dysfunctional and abusive union because I was SO ashamed for having chosen a very, very bad partner.  Life is entierly too short to spend it walking on egg shells and allowing children to be dreadfully traumatized by a wacko parent. 

Don't threaten your wife with divorce.  Do not tell her that you've spoken to an attorney.  Don't give her ANY indication that you're going to file for divorce.  Just find a calm spot in your day, quiet your mind as much as you can, and keep moving through your days until your attorney advises you to either move out or kick her out.  DOCUMENT everything that she says or does using a written (NOT technological) log using dates, times, exact quotes, actions, and YOUR actions/responses, even if they don't make you look like a saint. 

Particularly where the children are concerned, tell them nothing, as well. 

Best wishes to you on this challenging journey.  You will make it out of this and hopefully take your children with you.