Depressed - my mom died

I'm praying this is short term, but I came here to see if anyone else has experienced this. My mom got suddenly ill on 12/23 and she had a stroke and pneumonia, and undiagnosed diabetes and was hospitalized. She spent 10 days in ICU where she seemed to stabilize. I went home to get some rest, and she died on 1/14 all alone at 3:30 in the morning. The guilt and Depression I feel for not being there for her is overwhelming. I also have to admit that I have taken solace in the bottle and got drunk the night of her funeral - I am so ashamed. Since then I've been self-medicating myself with too much alcohol.

Tonight I said NO MORE - my mom would hate to see me this way. I can put the bottle away (I'm sober right now) but I can't get rid of the guilt and darkness that is in my heart.

I'm going to start The Master Cleanse tomorrow to see if that helps detox all the crap I put in my system, and I don't want to take anti-depressent medication.

I also plan to go to a support group on Sunday to deal with my alcohol problem (AA) - please pray for me.

Does anyone have any other suggestions?

Best,

Melanie