I hate my life...

I have a lot to get off my chest and I don't really know exactly why I post this, maybe in case someone can offer me advice or something.

I am a male in my early 20s, what most consider the prime of their life. Instead for me, my life is just plain sad and pathetic. I am overweight but currently trying to lose weight and have made some slow progress though; just about 60 pounds more to go.

I have ptosis affecting one eyelid making it droop down a lot which I am so self conscious of I rarely make eye contact with anyone

I have Body Odor (not due to hygiene because I've exhausted every possible solution from multiple showers a day, to dozens of deodorants and body washes, to chlorophyll tablets, and of course brushing teeth and washing clothes regularly). I've had it for as long as I remember, the earliest was in 5th grade when someone commented about it. I have become so nervous from it I always sit in the back seat of classes to avoid being near to many people. It sucks a lot when someone sits near me just to get a runny noise or try to cover their nose or some other body language indicating they are not comfortable.

I have one friend "in real life" and two friends online from different countries. My social life is pretty much non existent. The 5 or so years of college and still not a single friend or even acquaintance made. In my senior year of high school I can honestly say I also had not a single friend in school and absolutely no one to even hang out with or talk to, not even small talk. I have never even had a female friend in "real life". And vast majority of the few friends I have had over my 20 + years were through family connections, basically sons of my moms or dads friends.

I get nervous around people, especially large groups or in lines. I start to sweat. I feel like everyone is looking at me. Maybe it is anxiety from being overweight and having Body Odor that I am so afraid to offend others.

I wish things were different, but my life really does suck...
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