Wow wow wow. What a journey. What a AMAZINGLY brave woman !!! I went through similar with my senior brother !! It's truly scaring on the emotions !!! I had to do the no contact !! And really worked on forgiveness in stages !!! Therapy helped me along with GOD probably say God was the main factor !!! Had to learn to also forgive myself for his foolishness !!! My sweet dear I would advice you to seek therapy and deal with letting go and if possible no contact with him well at least until you have done some healing!!! !!!