SoulSurvivor, I just read your post and OMG! You could be writing my own very thoughts and words regarding where I'm at, my intentions and where I'm going on my healing journey.
I also have a very long way to go, but I'm determined to get to where I need and want to be.
That said, while its very painful and a daily struggle for me at the moment, life is about the journey, not the destination.
Best wishes and good luck with your healing journey.