One of the most natural and "normal" emotions that accompany the healing process with regard to NPD or sociopathy victimization is hatred, anger, rage, and a deep-seated desire to exact revenge. While these reactions are "normal," they can easily and very quickly develop into a full-blown disease of their own.
"But, Soulful, this person deliberately damaged me for their own entertainment and satisfaction!!! They deserve to suffer, too!"
Indeed, anyone who deliberately harms another person does deserve to suffer. But, in order for us to evolve from victims into Survivors, holding on to those volatile reactionary emotions does not, under any circumstance, promote our own personal growth and healing. Rather, those emotions become a barricade that prevents us from moving forward on our healing paths - a veritable emotional obstacle that not only stops us in our tracks, but buries us, spoonful by negative spoonful, until we become a shell of a human being without hope of, or interest in, healing our own Self (Self = that which makes us unique / soul). We refuse to let go of our negative emotions because we become enamored of feeling "justified" in our burning hatred and entertainment of revenge - the negativity that was formed solely by the NPD or sociopath's actions becomes our only comfort and perceived "reason for existing." This negativity becomes an emotional malignancy that will eat us, alive, if we choose to allow it. To let go of those emotions means to risk, and we have taught by the NPD or sociopath that any risk means failure and disapproval. Thus, by gripping onto that negativity, we are actually relinquishing control over our own life's course to the NPD or sociopath. They are still winning.
The best and greatest revenge is for victims to evolve into Survivors and live happy, contented, and productive lives. "Happy" is a relative term and it doesn't mean the euphoric type of happiness - it's a calm, peaceful, joy of living that rises up to replace hatred and overall angst. "Contented" means recognizing that Life isn't fair and that no philosophy or religion states that it is - being content that we are alive and able to give as well as take without malice, without an agenda, and with a peaceful calm is what the former perpetrator would not wish for us, ever. "Productive" is not related to wealth, but more to success and giving back to our communities with love, appreciation, humility, and graciousness that comes with emotional maturity - Surviving the NPD or sociopath is the ultimate revenge because we, the former source targets, are free of control!
If our hatred, anger, rage, and desire for revenge has become an emotional barrier and we are consumed by these emotions every minute, every day, then it's time to reach out and engage with a professional counseling therapist that specializes in NPD survival, sociopathy, and abuse survival. There is no shame in getting professional assistance, nor does it mean that we're crazy, NOR does it mean that the NPD or sociopath has "won." They "win" only when we throw in the towel and give up on our Self. The counselor will have techniques and tools that will help us cope with trust issues, anger, rage, and resentment, and help us to place our own feet on our own healing paths, and teach us how to disallow interference by an NPD or sociopath. We will learn how to go "No Contact" without feeling badly about it, and to actually benefit from never speaking to, hearing from, or engaging with the former predator, again.
To locate a counseling therapist, call your local abuse hotline or mental health referral service and specify, very clearly, that you want a professional who is experienced in abuse survival, sociopathy, and NPD survival. They will put you into contact with the right person, and some services may even be available at no charge, depending upon your situation.
Visit: www.ndvh.org and www.lovefraud.com
Brightest blessings!
Bottom line is that we are what we are. Simply put, we are the sum total of our life's experiences and factored by the manner(s) in which we chose to manage those experiences and events, or not.
A "label" is something that we choose to accept by others - a "label" is how we are defined by someone other than our Self. When we define whom and what we are, we aren't "labeling." Rather, we are recognizing and acknowledging the events that have helped to shape our personalities, feelings, and perceptions, and our subsequent actions/reactions/responses to those events and experiences. Whether we care about a "label" or not is a personal choice. It's also a personal choice to ignore, avoid, and live in denial by giving our Self any excuse necessary to avoid healing the whole Self.
Healing, on any level, is painful and we never fully recover from physical or emotional injuries. Trauma of any type presents a reality that says, quite plainly, that we have been damaged, whether the damage was caused by a hiking accident or by emotional battery. So, we're damaged - why bother attempting to heal when any healing attempt can never, ever take back the damage that occurred? This is the uphill climb that requires courage and resolve - mind, body, and soul all must heal in unison to help all scars to heal over. Yes, those scars will be there, forever, and somtimes they'll be rubbed back open either by another physical injury or by emotional triggers - this is all part of the Human Condition.
Personally (quite personally), I have a long, long road ahead and I don't much care for the work that I'm going to have to do to get where I need to be. But, if I don't take a first step, I will forever be physically miserable, and physical misery can translate into emotional misery, and the soul finally gives in and gives up, as well. For me, I have to gird my loins and prepare for a Whole Self Battle.
Brightest blessings!
It is quite understandable to feel hatred and the need for revenge when you have been raped. This is why it may be important to have the criminal justice system involved, in order to prevent a rapist from committing the offence again. This may also help the rapist in the end, because, believe it or not, a rapist can be helped by therapy overcoming the flaw in his personality that causes him to be a rapist.
But revenge is not necessarily going to "cure" the PTSD of the victim. Contrary to popular opinion PTSD is not so much a "psychological illness", but rather a physiological illness with "psychological symptoms". It can often be treated without recourse to medication in many cases.
PTSD may be considered a disease that is marked by excess production of stress hormones - such as cortisol and adrenaline as a result of an inner biochemical abnormality. These hormones function to increase blood sugar supplies to the brain, very sensitive to glucose levels, on which it depends for chemical reactions to take place.
Thus if a person suffer from Hypoglycemia - a pe-diabtic condition marked by unstable blood sugar levels - a hypoglycemic dip will trigger the release of adrenaline from the adrenal glands in order to feed the brain with glucose for energy. Most people with PTSD prove positive to a special test for hypoglycemia - as distinct from from diabetes - and it is the uncontrolled flooding of adrenaline that is mainly responsible for PTSD, anxiety, insomnia, depression and many other mood disorders.
Of course, there may be other Silent Diseases that may play a role, but these need to be diagnosed by nutritional doctors. What PTSD sufferers need to do is adopting the Hypoglycemic diet as a first step in treatment. This may be followed up with a self-help course in Psychotherapy.
My personal view on this simple question is based upon over half a century of Life experiences with toxic individuals, as well as positive and emotionally healthy ones. I don't believe that a malignant narcissist is ever "happy" within themselves. "Happy" is a relative term with a continuum based upon endless things.
As an example, a person can be "happy" that they got a great deal on an automobile. They can also be "happy" when their prized roses bloom. They can also be "happy" when they purchase a 52-inch plasma screen television.
No, I don't believe that a malignant narcissist can be "happy" or content within their own hearts, simply because their behaviors clearly indicate an intent to harm others via manipulations, coercions, and outright lies. They're motivated by envy and they respond with anger and rage. I've seen plenty of these people pretend that they are centered, balanced, and content, but the "red flags" flap and wave in the breeze. These pretenders can be found in every walk of life and situation. From politics to spiritual advisors, it's important to recognize (and, accept) that we cannot "help" these people, nor do we have the power to "change" them into something more tolerable, and just go about our routines without giving them any bit of ourselves.
For more information on dealing with these people, visit:
www.familyarrested.com
www.180rule.com
There is a Universe of difference between "inner happiness" and malicious glee.
True personal happiness is fleeting and the inner calm is contentment - a balance on the Bell Curve of the Happiness Scale.
Malicious glee is the delight that toxic people experience when they wreak their havoc. It's not happiness, by any stretch of the imagination, because it is borne of ill-will and malice.