Re: Why can't I get diagnosis? (I think I have near end stage myeloma)

The reason I haven't mentioned an oncologist or anything is because I doubt I will ever have one. I dont have real insurance. ive had county assisted bottom of the barrel ''we-dont-care-about-you-and-dont-want-to-help-you'' type coverage for the past 5 years. I will simply occasionally research something here or something there which seems to relate to me and then go see my primary care doc (or an er doc) and explain my desperation and push them to do tests. They NEVER want to do tests. They dont want to believe anythings seriously wrong with me and now... well, I have lost that insurance as of 4 months ago. (but I may be able to get it again. However I am working with my family to try and get some real coverage and hopefully diagnose me before the end of my life :(

I'm trying to get new insurance, but with how much it's going to cost... I wish I could just spend that money towards cesium and other alternative expensive treatments. (like an ozone generator, a rife machine, or something hope-giving etc.)

I really don't know what to do. I can't sleep anymore for a few days... and my sleep has been less and less. See, I realized I had these cyst like bone protrusions really bad in my hand/wrists just recently (I've been in denial and try to just escape)... and have connected that to the fact I have severe Arthritis type pain while typing, and it is simply freaking me out. I am in a permenant state of panic and feeling like it's been so long that even if I finally do get a diagnosis at this point, theres nothing to be done. I have like 5-7 cysts. 2 on left knee (the first site of trauma from a fall a year ago, one is the largest seeming protrusion (the first)), one below right knee from another fall and I believe driving pushing, gas pedal and breaking, , 1 or 2 in my left wrist ball joint (looks really scary to me), and 1 in my right wrist ball joint and one of the other side of my right wrist. That coupled with a half dozen testicular cysts I've had for years (non cancerous... I guess. I had several ultrasounds over the years. I have had at least one since I was 11 or so) and also whatever is going on inside my stomache/intestines, which are probably more tumors/cysts/impacted feces/I don't know!

I know my situation is pretty hopeless. heh, just looking for some ideas I guess. It really seems that from all the tests they have done, they simply are lying to me. lol, I know that seems impossible but I don't know what else to say. They simply don't want to believe me or do anything. I would give anything to get a nights sleep and try to feel semi-normal again... if not just for a day. sigh. I permenantly panic from being in this state of realizing I'm beyond hopeless at this point and the less sleep I get, the quicker I die. sigh.
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