You are absolutely right that it is not. To have gotten as sick as I was, it was evident that I had gotten on the wrong path somehow. By the final stages I had to tear down my former self, reevaluate everything, and build my true self back up. I had to take into consideration everything I had done to contribute to my condition and what I saw I didn't like at all.
Among all the things I found that I regretted about myself the worst was that I had allowed myself to be a lamb. Bah bah bah, almost to the slaughter before I dashed away from the flock. I would have allowed my weakness to rob my children of the mother they needed and I would never have accomplished what I had intended.