Re: Raped married man

I am horribly sorry to read of your experiences.  And, I'm going to hazard a guess that you never told anyone about the crimes that were committed against you, and I understand, but I'm going to share a fact with you:  supressing such a traumatic event and not reporting it as a crime doesn't make the experience disappear, even over time. 

When a person experiences a traumatic assault that ends with a sexua| assault, this one event can define a victim for the rest of their lives unless they take action and get involved in some very serious counseling.  Aside from PSTD, sexua| dysfunction, and misplaced "shame," the effects of this type of experience infiltrate every action, choice, and decision that a victim makes.  I know this from personal experience, and I never reported my experiences to anyone until my patterns became so pronounced that they nearly destroyed me, personally.

That you experienced an erection during a sexua| assault isn't uncommon - that's what you will learn to process and understand in strong counseling therapy and group support.  Sadly, we often associate physiological reactions with "pleasure" under such circumstances, and we actually feel SHAME for this loss of control and our own body's betrayal of a clearly violent attack.  The attack wasn't about sexua| gratification - it was strictly about power, control, abuse, and violence.  PERIOD.

I would strongly encourage you to consider seeking counseling to process what you've experienced.  Some websites for you to research:

http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/malerape2.php

http://www.hopeforhealing.org/male.html

http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counselloradvice9907.html

What you experienced was a violent attack perpetrated by criminals.  The sexua| assault is termed, "sexual," ONLY because those acts are classified for legal clarity and has nothing to do with sex, sexua| attraction, or sexuality, ON ANY LEVEL.  You were a victim of VIOLENCE, and this one event can affect every relationship that you have, from family to friends to coworkers. 

Take control of your life and what was done to you by getting involved in some good, strong counseling and support groups.  The moment that you take a step to heal yourself of what was done to you, THEY LOSE and YOU WIN. 

My most sincere best wishes to you