Wormwood is a herb created by the devil. Beware.

First, I would like to thank everyone who took the time out to respond to my previous post. Unfortunately for me, things have reached a point of no return.

From what I can see, I am the first person on these forums, as well as anywhere on the internet to have had this kind of reaction to Wormwood . I want my story to be known so this kind of thing never happens to anyone else, although I'm very aware there will still always be people like me who don't adhere to warnings and are too focused on fixing what they feel is wrong with them.

"there is in every bitter, when largely employed, a power of destroying the sensibility and irritability of the nervous power"

This quote is one that you will not find on most sites that speak of Wormwood and the possible dangers attributed to it. But this quote is one that couldn't come closer to describing what it did to me.

The bottom line with Wormwood is that it is clearly very misunderstood, and that the most dramatic properties it can possess are even more misunderstood. Most information will lead you to believe that the worst that can happen is convulsions and hallucinations, none of which I every experienced. But what I did experience is a complete destruction of my emotional responses and my emotional state of being. Why it did this to me, and not anyone else, I will never know. Could it have been that I smoked marijuana for the past 8 years straight many times a day? Maybe. Could I have had some sort of chemical imbalance in my brain that I was never aware of? Also possible. But in any regard, I was a victim of a herb that is more powerful than anyone can imagine.

What I'm feeling is absolutely nothing. It is beyond apathy. It isnt depression. I've been severely depressed, and I know how it feels. I used to be very irritable, and I always thought that things that would make me so mad probably shouldnt have made the average person so mad. Now, I would dare anyone to try and make me mad. When something should upset me, my brain recognizes that it should, but that feeling of anger cant be felt. What I do feel however is a very calming, dullness. Even though I know my life has been ruined, I cant be upset about it, and I cant even cry about it. Now some people may look at that as a blessing, to not get mad or upset. But it has also caused the same thing to hold true for every single emotion. I feel no gratification toward anything. Months ago, when I would make $200 a night at my bartending job, I was jumping for joy. Now, it doesnt even put a smile on my face. I could care less about anything and everything.
It kills me to say this, but if one of my parents were to pass away, I would not be effected. It makes every day a living hell to know that you wont wake up with a smile on your face. Or to know that theres nothing the day will bring that will do the same.

I've been speaking with a very experienced and respected herbalist by the name of Matthew Wood. This man may just be the most knowledgale person in this country when it comes to wormwood, and he agrees that it is the culprit, because he knows what its used for. He knows that in most cases, its used to bring people out of a dull state, or to make life better. But he also knows that for whatever reason, it can have the reverse effect. I could tell theres an uncertainty in his voice, but he seems to think that there may be other bitter herbs out there that could possibly reverse the effect. I on the other hand cant say that I necessarily agree. I firmly believe that there are certain things you are born with, that may even be non physical matters within your body, that once they are gone, they are gone. Matthew had an explanation as to why bitter herbs can do this, but to be honest it was a little hard to comprehend. Something having to do with the way your nervous system reacts when you taste something bitter.

Another quote I came across while doing in depth research is that "If too much(wormwood) is taken, the astral that should be active in the metabolism reaches instead the nervous system, resulting in neurological dysfunction."

Now, I'm not exactly sure what that means. But I have a feeling it is another one that closely relates to my situation.

Aside from these mental issues, everything else seems to be left unchanged. I have not had memory loss, or any other psychological dysfunctions that I'm aware of. There may be other things Im not noticing, or that are still yet to come. I still have not slept a full night. Something in my brain or body is waking me up after a few hours. And over the past few weeks my eyes have become bloodshot for whatever reason, which is more noticable in the mornings. When I wake up, my head feels extremely heavy and I experience a somewhat disorientated state for an hour or so. Throughout the day, there is a pressure on my eyes and my temples. I want to sleep alot, mainly because I want to escape from the horrors that I'm living. I have started to experience a loss of appetite and pains in my abdominal area.

This is NOT die off.

I so badly want to believe that it is, but my gut tells me it isnt. To my knowledge, there is also no possible medical illness that could cause you to be completely soul-less and be stripped of all emotions, other than an acquired brain or CNS injury, which this in a way is.

I'm 26 years old, and my whole life I have always feared death. But in this state, I cant, and I dont. If a human being cannot feel love, joy, or anger, then I beg anyone out there to tell me what the point in living is. I know any type of medication will not fix or mask the way I'm feeling. Those medications are designed for people who actually still feel emotions. It is only a matter of time before I gain the courage to take my life. As far as I'm concerned, it has already been taken.

And it is my fault. Its my fault for not listening to others when they told me to embrace what was wrong with me before. Because then, when I thought the worst of my problems was candida, I couldve embraced it. But believe me when I tell you that this is not embracable by any means.

I may have been the 1 in 1,000 person that this couldve happened to, but be very warned. You could be the next.