Reflections on Degenerative Illness

It has been a really long time since I wrote this. Unfortunately, to the readers out there, all my symptoms have become 5x times as severe. This proves it is degenerative.

I believe stress is to blame. I do not deny the bipolar aspect. It is probably that somehow food intolerances , digestive disorders, endocrine disorders, psychological problems predominantly and especially ADD, epilepsy, and bipolar disorder, and along those lines neurosis, hypochondria... which describes me aptly are related. I am a hypochondriac...but I am genuinely ill, physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, socially, psychologically... Perhaps the reader could reflect upon such a concept. The mind makes the body ill...The body makes the mind ill...

I am going to get a very intricate book on autism. I will also get a book on self healing and juice fasting/sauna/detox therapy/herbal detox. I am going to back off all the stressful obligations in my life, and do what I need to in order to give my mind the rest it is desperately screaming for. Most likely mineral imbalances and heavy metal toxicity are involved in my problems, and likewise there are infectious gut bugs. I do not precisely understand the Science behind these things, but it is better explained in the autism field. I certainly borderline on asperger symptoms sadly.

If it is also of any reflection to the reader, I had a pretty rough childhood. I know that harp gets overplayed. But it really does cause your brain to become pretty dysfunctional physically. It has been proven in the literature, alas. Stats do not lie.

It takes a long time to heal from these things. Considerable oxidative damage done to the body on whole. Rittilin does more oxidative damage. Most pharma pills do more damage. Use your common sense. Do not beat a dead horse.

Bipolar and epileptic patients have damage to the brain, to what extent I do not understand. There are of course implications of thyroid, immune, and adrenal strain. I vehemently believe one does not need to be dependent for life on thyroid and steroid medication. I am adamant to restore and regenerate my glands. This should be well described in the alternative literature.

You need your glands, you need your minerals, you need your immune system, you need your digestive system to work well. These things all drastically effect neurochemistry. I learn as a go, but it is tough. My brain has taken a beating from the stress. I have memory loss that is so intense now. I have seizures I think. I cannot remember lectures, classes, conversations. I am almost out of touch with reality half the time, because my brain is so scrambled.

If ever I thought I were bipolar, I certainly do now. I get manic bouts, then I never remember what I learned during the time. Hard to say what that it is other than epilepsy and bipolar. It really is tough. Especially since the emotional aspect of my brain is so compromised. I do not ever feel empathy or connection. It is just a never ending sensation of a feeling of abuse and abandonment. I actually do not think people hate me or are out to get me. That was how I thought before I lost the weight. So in a way my confidence is tremendously better.

And I am no longer paranoid. But, unfortunately I just do not make the effort to connect to people. My mind is so blank and disoriented. It is not like I could offer much in the way of charisma or personality. I do not have much to say in person that is easy going, helpful, or fun. If I am talking, it is going to be health related, obsessive, morbid, negative, etc. Not so good.