I've come back to the thread, just waiting to hear something that will be helpful to my situation. Nothing personal and I appreciate your input, but every individual situation is unique and different. I didn't find much in that link but I did read through it.
I wrote a response to this but it sounded snappish so I erased it. The short is that your conclusions don't really gel with what's happening, although I appreciate your intention to help.
The short update on the marriage is that we made a breakthrough with his admission. I was able to tell him how this has impacted me over the years and we're actively tackling the problem. Wish us luck.