An Answer!!! 
#62845
13 y
3,803
† Cross †
Well folks, I finally got to the bottom of it. If you read my posts, you'll see years of me crying about not getting sex with my husband, getting over my reaction to not getting sex, the wierd thing that we would have vacation sex but not sex at home, about how everything is good in our relationship and I take care of my looks, etc. etc. etc.
Well, things were coming to a breaking point in that arena and he finally came clean. Porn! Okay, maybe it shouldn't be such a surprise, but it kind of is. I knew he watched porn, sure, it didn't bug me. I never imagined that a man would PREFER porn, actually go there first before he goes to his loving, warm, cute wife. Why would any man do this??? He feels awful about it and is worried that he can't stop. He's sad that he's the cause of our biggest marital difficulty. But why? How could anyone prefer anything to a live person with whom they have good sex?
Anyone??? *scratches head*
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- Re: An Answer!!! #28223
13 y
3,291
This is a reply to # 1,837,456Start by taking a look at this thread to see if you find any answers:
//www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=883781#i
- Re: An Answer!!! #28223
13 y
3,285
This is a reply to # 1,837,456I find it odd that you haven't come back to this thread---hope you are well. I do have some things that I would like to further add.
In your last posting you said that you had accepted that you weren't going to get much sex from him and that you would rather stay married to him than have great sex with an a$$hole (I'm paraphrasing). Yet, apparently, you didn't mean what you wrote. This lack of sex problem has been like an open wound that you keep picking at rather than letting it heal. I thought that from your last post that you would let it scab up and finally heal. The fact that you can't let it heal tells me that you can't live without frequent sex.
I suggested a few times that the two of you see a sex therapist to deal with things. You ignored this suggestion---didn't even comment on it. If he won't go for sex therapy, then you need to see a counselor on your own if you plan to stay in the marriage.
You need to learn to deal with the issues if you plan to stay married to him. You also need to learn that even if you had a great sex life with him, it could all come to an end due to illness or injury. Yet you rejected the idea of buying some sex toys...?
Now you discover that he seems to have serious issues with viewing porn. So---it's either time for some couples or solo counseling or it's time to call it quits. Which is the right solution? Only you can decide.
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- Re: An Answer!!! #62845
13 y
2,884
This is a reply to # 1,838,604I've come back to the thread, just waiting to hear something that will be helpful to my situation. Nothing personal and I appreciate your input, but every individual situation is unique and different. I didn't find much in that link but I did read through it.
I wrote a response to this but it sounded snappish so I erased it. The short is that your conclusions don't really gel with what's happening, although I appreciate your intention to help.
The short update on the marriage is that we made a breakthrough with his admission. I was able to tell him how this has impacted me over the years and we're actively tackling the problem. Wish us luck.
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- Re: An Answer!!! #28223
13 y
3,113
This is a reply to # 1,838,900You're right---every situation is unique and different. I (and others who respond) can only go on what you've written in the past. Thus, sometimes advice won't gel with what is happening.
Of course, I do wish you luck with whatever it is you decide to do.- Re: An Answer!!! #62845 13 y 3,116
- Re: An Answer!!! #28223
13 y
3,113
- Re: An Answer!!! #62845
13 y
2,884
- see i told ya so. John McCain 2008
13 y
3,298
This is a reply to # 1,837,456Why ask why? We went over this months ago, didn't we? 2+2=4. We all get old and eventually die. Charlie Sheen will eventually go nuts again on tv. Some things in life are just the way they are. Accept bad sex or no sex was your answer then, why scratch your head (or his) now?
I thought you settled for a life of vibrators and scented oils? Your guy likes the porn because it's easy, it's always there, it takes little effort. Don't overanalyze why he wants the vixen on the screen over you. Nothing personal...he's just a lazy lay who wants his satisfaction at his beckon call, on his terms, then on to ESPN.com...- Re: see i told ya so. #62845
13 y
3,118
This is a reply to # 1,839,299Yep, "settling" for a life of vibrators works just fine unless it doesn't. In that attempt I came to understand 2 things: first, that as I suspected, I'm not much into vibrators. Seriously, I'm open minded but they do nothing for me. In fact, I turned it off b/c the vibration annoyed me.
Second, and most importantly, after deciding to supress my sexua| side, it didn't submit and the issue came to a head as more than just a physical issue but one connected to some powerful emotional needs. So even though I would make the choice to drop sex for him if I could, I literally can't. I now understand that this is a deal breaker.
So I've laid it out for him and now we're in a state of transition. Something has to give and he knows that the "something" could be our marriage. And it scares him b/c everything else in the relationship is very good. I can't imagine dropping him for this, but then when I'm looking for attention outside the marriage... not so good.
So it's become personal, and he gets to decide what's important.- Re: see i told ya so. #28223
13 y
2,949
This is a reply to # 1,841,576So...are you considering marriage counseling now? It seems to me that you should try all avenues before giving up on the marriage.
- Re: see i told ya so. #28223
13 y
2,949
- Re: see i told ya so. #62845
13 y
3,118
- Re: An Answer!!! #68716
13 y
2,958
This is a reply to # 1,837,456Just try to get at the root of why he prefers p 0 r n, over what you provide.
- Re: An Answer!!! #28223
13 y
3,291
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