For those of you who like closure

in the stories you hear...

...after I got my head into a place where I was calm and not emotional over my "sex" problem, I confronted my husband to talk about what's been going on in his mind. It helped that we'd been very connected the last few weeks and he's been very affectionate and loving. I thought we could keep a clear head to discuss it.

So I ask what he thinks about our sex life. He says he thinks we should have more. (more sex) I ask him what holds him back? He doesn't know. I ask about what thoughts he's had about it? He finds it hard to come up with something but says that his back has been sore again since going back to work. I felt bad then because he's recently had back surgery... but I remember that he was feeling quite a bit better and had said something at one point to the effect of he was waiting for me to initiate. That started this whole mess again, btw - I was frustrated because me initiating doesn't work. I know he did have trouble with his back, but there's more to it. I don't know if he's just not aware or if he wants me to somehow make him feel like we're newly met and make him want it? I can't explain it... and apparently he can't either.

I tell him it seems like he holds back. He tells me part of it is how he feels. He feels fat and kind of crappy. He doesn't eat so great. I know how that feels and when I feel fat, I certainly don't feel sexy. Mind you, he's plenty attractive to me, but when we met, he was a fit, virile, sexy man. Compared to where he was, I can see why he feels that way. I don't know if it plays with his ego or what. A lot of my thoughts are speculation. What I do know is that he didn't treat it like a big issue. I was trying to find out more but he didn't seem to have more to tell me and went on to talk about other things.

His lack of desire and his complacency makes me think that by and large, this is how it will be. This is how it's been, even before surgery. And maybe he always says something about wanting more sex because there is an idea of sex as something people should want, particularly men, but it seems he's rarely really into it anymore. Maybe his hormones have dropped, maybe familiarity and routine that has sapped his interest - I know those elements make a big impact for him. In our relationship, he is extremely engaged and loving and affectionate. Maybe, like many women, he gets much of what he needs physically from affection. I'm like that as well... although not as much as him if this is the explanation.

In conclusion, I believe my answer is that this is a marriage in which I will have infrequent sex. I've even come to be okay with this at times... although at other times I'm drooling over pics of Navy Seals training or the shirtless star of THOR, lol. But yeah, I think this is it. The only option for frequent sex may be to leave him and hook up with some a$$hole instead... no, that's not going to happen. It's such a sad, early demise to my sex life (I'm only 34 and fit), but what's a girl to do? Maybe this summer, his back will be better and he'll give me great vacation sex! It's happened before... but that's probably the best I can hope for.

~Resigned Tweet