Re: 9 months in and things are getting worse and worse. i want to give up. it was a mistake to have carried on...

SoulfulSurvivor is right---you do need to contact a Rape Crisis Hotline. If you are in the US or Canada, call 1-800-656-HOPE. This is the hotline for the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN). You can also go to their website: http://www.rainn.org


You really do need some counseling to help you deal with what happened.

I will suggest that you read this young lady's posting here at Cure Zone:
//www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1495494#i


She and I exchanged some PMs and I encouraged her to call the RAINN hotline. The people at the hotline were very helpful to her and helped her find counseling. I know that they will help you, too.

Please don't ever think that this was your fault. You are suffering from PTSD and depression---and that's no way to live your life. Please make that call and get started on your healing. Best of luck to you!