You definately should not wish it were cancer. Seeing my dad suffer with brain cancer for almost 9 months was horrible! I am sure he would have traded places anytime!
I don't mean to make light of what you are going through but it can ALWAYS be worse! I am with Dan.....take a deep breath and simplify things. I was starting to go nuts with all the info and I am not going through the benzo hell that you are. I realized that I just needed to chill and take it one step at a time.