I was where you are for a number of years... and I MADE IT THROUGH... If *I* can do it, jboy, YOU can do it. Think about all you have been through... and think of how far you have come.. the finish line is within sight my friend.
What you have to do right now is see yourself as an observer to your symptoms. They in NO way constitute who YOU are... look at them as you would watching a movie.. detach yourself from it... and do anything to avert your attention...
You'll get through this.. and in not too long you will be in a much better place. Just keep telling yourself that :)