Dealing with anger

So I've been diagnosed with a bunch of different things during my life, but I've learned to deal with them, with a few exceptions. Even my depression, which I have had since childhood, was under control until my health began deteriorating recently. The most debilitating illnessnes now are adrenal fatigue, candidiasis, fibromyalgia, and IBS.

My problem is, I'm angry. I'm angry that this has happened to me. I've always been a good person. I've always tried to help others. Hell, I was in a masters of social work program before I got too sick to function and had to drop out. I've never really done anything wrong. I've always tried to take care of myself and keep up on health issues. Granted, I've always put too much pressure on myself, which causes a lot of stress and surely has contributed to my current state of health.

So why me? There are so many bad people out there who thrive and succeed. I feel as though I've been robbed of my goals and dreams. Even if I got better tomorrow, I've already lost years of my life that I can never retrieve. I can't do what normal people do. At the moment, my life is ruled by my sleeping schedule, dietary restrictions, low blood sugar, and GI issues. I would love to be able to be spontaneous or to go out and do things once in a while. I can't even drive myself to the doctor, and some days, I'm unable to do any of the things that I need to do to get better.

I'm angry in general, but I also have some targets. I'm angry at my parents for pushing me so hard and instilling this perfectionism in me. I'm also angry at them for not catching signs of emotional problems when I was young and getting me treatment. I'm angry at the guy who plowed his semi into my compact car a few years ago, which really triggered my health nosedive. I'm angry that my friends have abandoned me. I'm angry at myself for pushing myself to keep on functioning even when my body was screaming for help. And I'm angry at everyone who isn't sick like me. It's not fair.

Surely some of you feel this way. How do you deal with it? It might help if I was religious, but I'm not. I just can't make sense of why I am so sick. I don't think I deserve it. I just can't find a way to accept it, and honestly, I don't want to. It shouldn't have happened.

Any thoughts? Tweet