I think the why me we've all asked ourselves at some point. Yes, some of us have made some stupid decisions but yet other people have and they don't suffer like us. I've just come to the conclusion everyone has problems and those problems are different for other people. You have to live with the hand you were dealt. My way at getting back at the world is I don't really care much for other people's problems they cause. I feel sorry for those who have just been screwed by forces out of their control; not their own mistake. I've lost my sympathy. Sounds mean but I've had to chock it up in silence for 11 years while doctors tell me I am nuts and trying to hold down a job, life, etc.. So why should I play the world's smallest violin for their story? In the end, I would not change who the person I am today though. Had I never gotten sick I would never appreciate what God has given me. You have one life. Use it well.

Hi say414,

I know exactly how you feel. Now and then I feel anger...and I can't help to think of WHY. And of course it's not good for my energy level.

Lately I learn to cope with it. Trying to remember that anger sometimes is a good teacher to teach me lessons.Yupe, this is hard and bitter lesson, but it's still a good lesson.

I realize that all this illness and fatigue (helplessness esp) shows me things which are right and wrong. Yes, we are human beings which have control, and no, it's not an unlimited control. This is imperfect world, so yeah, bad things happened to good people and good things happened to bad people. To believe the other way round is fallacy. Idealism is not always suit the realism. Hey, now that I found out the truth, let the truth set me free. So instead of wondering one side of the coin, I look at the other side of the coin and count my blessings.

Maybe it's difficult to see, so maybe I can give a bit of example here. It's not fair that I've been trying to do good and find myself in such a mess. True. Let's see the other side of the coin: My life is such a mess, and yet, I can still enjoy several 'luxury' that others may not. It's not fair either, both sides count. I count my blessings. If I can eat (cause there are times I couldn't eat), if I can sleep and nobody tried to wake me up(many times I'm insomniac). When my hubby helps me with housework (other hubby would have demand their wives to do it). I can still read some good book (there are times I can't function at all). I can take my shower though fast (there are times I can't). I can still laugh sometimes (despite the tears of frustration). I am grateful I am still alive, though I am not even a quarter the person I used to be (in terms of activities btw).

I learn to make the most of my remaining life. Instead crying and angry over spill years, I ponder what makes life counts in the end. And boy I am glad that achievement and performance are not what count in the end. But a life lived meaningfully does. I know this is easier to say than done, but if you can find life meaningful without any performance or achievement, I would say you are free.

And if today I have a bit of energy, I rather spent it on healing efforts instead of regretting the past. It's now and the future that counts, not the past.

Hope you find your peaceful path to healing. Enjoy the journey:)

ERM

Try playing Duke Nukem 3d, that has alleviated alot of tension for me, especially if there is a lack of excercise going on due to lifestyle in this wonderfully civilized structure.

try a book called Conversations with God.
there are several volumes and the 1st book recommended first.
I have gone thru alot myself and most people could not relate to the last 6 years of my life.

monitor your thoughts, and for me Miracle-Mineral-Supplement and changing my diet to macrobiotic is what cured me... good luck!

dear say 414,

i hear you, i hear you about the anger. and i hear you when you say "I just can't find a way to accept it, and honestly, I don't want to. It shouldn't have happened."

in dealing with my own anger about living alone with fibromyalgia pain beyond pain, and the two-by-four hits in the head and cascading migraines from any kind of perfume exposure i can say - when i said "i don't want to accept it" i couldn't. my mom used to say, "can't never could." i'm angry she died of freaking hep c and the freaking "mistake" of the doctors of leaving a shunt in after her liver transplant.... leading to her death. but if i refuse to accept the reality of it, i won't. i can't. and if i can't accept it, then i'm condemned to be tortured by the anger (i don't know about you, but anger is torture beyond what i need with everything else).

so with most compassion of knowing how it is unfair to live with pain - of having docs try to 5150 me because it must be in my mind, etc - a common story for so many of us - with all the compassion i have for your anger and lack of acceptance i want to share with you -- the first step to letting go of the anger and moving on to healing, really healing, is to get to acceptance.

i hope this is helpful, it may not be what you want to hear, but it is the only thing that worked for me.

if i can accept fact (i can't change it so i might as well accept reality) then i can focus on gathering strength and information and tools to find solutions. and i will - i refuse to be a prisoner of my illnesses - i refuse to barely survive, i insist on life.

anger: my friend had me hit her bed with a tennis racket and rage for hours until my hands were bloody with blisters. believe it or not, i felt better. rage, yes. anger yes. and i screamed and yelled and cried and then i moved on.

because i can. because my mom said can't never could and i refuse to believe i can't live a better life. i refuse. then they win. then the pain wins. and i'm too pissed to let the pain win. therefore i'm willing to give up the anger and mnove to acceptance, even if only a minute a day until i can get to enough acceptance to move past the pain, one day, one minute at a time.

not accepting it and being angry at it for me, means i can't move to solution. and i'm all about solution. the freaking fibro does not get to win. the mcs and the stupid people with their fabric softener and perfume and the government that refuses to regulate these toxins - they don't get to win. i do. i accept being the winner over that one.

sending love and light from a stranger who knows - at least a bit - how you feel --

xoxoxo

What you are feeling is grief of your lost former life. Grief has 7 stages, and your on the 3rd stage of anger. Google grief stages and you'll understand.

I understand because I felt the exact same way. I was told I had fibromyalgia by and acupuncturist, but I thought it was just muscle spasms in my back. But I started getting so sick that I couldn't consentrate that I dropped out of school for the same course as yourself.

I ended up getting so sick with fibromyalgia that I became bedridden for 3 yrs. At that time there was a doctor shortage in the area I lived...but finally I found a doctor. He gave me the meds that are supposed to help people with fibromyalgia

I thought I would get back my life, not! I finally went to the library and looked up the symptoms of fibromyalgia, and there are mega symptoms that I lived with so long I thought they were normal. Now I realize that the symptoms are not going to end but get worse over time. And they did...I used to have days where I felt almost normal but now...all of the pain days drift into the others.

I believe I'm finally at the last stage of acceptance. I've accepted that I just have to learn to deal with it. I have to look for ways to aleviate my symptoms, and work them into my daily life. And along the way do my best to enjoy life.

They say exercise such as, Tia Chi, aquasize, & yoga helps. We are to get involved in hobbies that release stress. But the thing is we have to learn to focus & push ourselves past the pain & keep on living life. I've noticed I feel much better when I eat more raw veggies. I'm even going to research the "gluten free" diet the one lady mentioned above.

I think Fibromyalgia is about taking extra care of our bodies. If we do we just end up healthier than the average person.