Life-long list of abuse

I grew up being raped by my brother, until I was old enough to understand it was wrong, then he began physically abusing me until he joined the military when i was 14 (I'm now 24). A few months ago, my last counselor told me that my mother knew it happened because it would be only too obvious. (My father moved out when I was 11, after the sexua| abuse stopped)

When I was 15, one of my fellow students had molested me. I told my best friend and though she promised not to tell anyone, she told everyone, including my boyfriend, except her story was that I was lying about it. People laughed, pointed, and spit at me in high school, my boyfriend dumped me after convincing me to tell my mother. So the police got involved and never treated me like a victim. Then my mother took me to a psychiatrist whom put me on ritalin (spelling?) and that was the end of help for me.

Two years ago I got married to a man in the service, whom I was able to tell about my past abuse. Right before he left for his third deployment, my husband became physically abusive. He punched me into a wall because I accused him of cheating, which he was (there was undeniable proof). When he was deployed I started going to my last counselor who helped me ask my husband for a divorce without accusing him of abuse or hurting his career to get me out safely.

First of all, I feel like a moving target. My family doesn't stand up for me, my friends sell me out, and my husband, high school student, and brother physically and emotionally hurt me. Nobody understands that I have the hardest time having any relationship, including simple friendships are a struggle. I always feel like someone is out to get me. I've read other forums and they've talked about the correlation between self esteem and trust. I'm so lonely in the new place I moved where my soon-to-be-exhusband hopefully won't find me. I'm working on self esteem, but I'm messing up friendships now. I just want to move on. Any advice? Tweet