Re: Accutane Survivor: Gastrointestinal Problems??

Yeah. Honestly even with severe heart palpitations, breathing problems and constant digestive agony, the sense of mental deadness is the worst symptom. A disorientation so bad I have trouble not spilling everything when cooking. And a total emotional deadness.

I have trouble playing music and even listening to it. And I'm a musician, so that hurts. One of the saddest things of all was the end of a phone call with my mother. She said "I love you", and I responded "I can't wait until I can say it back and mean it." Actually I should have said when I can say it back and feel it. It's not that I don't love my mother, I do. I just can't feel myself in the same way.

It's why I don't want to see her or friends until I'm better. I could fake an evening of conversation and probably do it very well. My posts here attest to the fact that I'm no dummy. But all the while no one can tell that I feel completely altered like someone with brain damage must, even though my verbal skills are intact. Christ, sometimes my posts here are too depressing. I need to watch some Saturday Night Live DVD's or something.