Many people with dairy intolerance are able to use goat's milk - preferably raw organic goat's milk.
As far a calcium, it should be supplemented (or ingested from food sources) on a 2 to 1 or 3 to 1 ratio with Magnesium. Magnesium is one of the first places I would look due to the widespread deficiencies, the fact it is a natural immune modulator and the fact that immune disorders have been linked to magnesium deficiency. Be sure to get a good source of calcium and magnesium and not just "crushed rock" minerals such as are found in the cheaper supplements.