Zapping Zoloft... Completely off now, but a sad, scary time.

Okay that subject line is a double entendre...

I took 150 to 200mg (at times) Zoloft for about 17 years. With Uny's encouragement and hope from others who have kicked antidepressants (chiefly Uny & Miss H), I decided to see what life would be like with no antidepressant... I've been on different antidepressants a total of 25 years, I estimate. The last 18 on SSRIs. (a short terrible encounter w/ Prozac - caused terrible migraines).

It has taken me about 6 weeks. Decreased 25mg for 5-7 days at a time... Has been pretty miserable. Each time i decreased I experienced the dreaded brain zaps for a couple days. I'd continue for several more days after the brain zaps stopped... Then I'd decrease again.

Today is my 3rd day completely off Zoloft after about 5 days on 12.5mg. Still having brain zaps. I've been having vivid, at times psychedelic, at times emotionally disturbing dreams for 6 weeks. (This has always been one of the symptoms of Zoloft withdrawal for me -- when I'd forget to take it)

Last night I dreamt I was at work and noticed a terrible rash on one arm with skin peeling off... I pointed it out to a co-worker, who told me with a look of horror & disgust on his face to get to a doctor right away. I looked down and saw a horrible-looking parasite protruding from the rash. It was alive and horrific looking... Other dreams were like fantastical roller-coaster rides -- could have been kinda fun, only they left me exhausted. Another one dealt with the pain of seeing an old boyfriend remarrying an old rival -- past issue dredge-up!... So you see this is NO FUN, and doesn't exactly leave me refreshed & ready to take on the day.

I don't think I'm depressed (well, maybe a little these last couple days). Mostly I feel SAD... RAW... Mostly, I FEEL.

I know it's a good thing to be able to experience painful emotions after being numb for so long. (I've often complained over the last few years of not being able ot cry.) The pain was there... but it was building up, not being dealt with in a healthy way. But boy, this hurts. I'm tearing up right now.

I have plenty of things to be sad about, so I think this is a normal reaction to life circumstances. I do have to admit though, that I'm a bit scared. I hope I can make it through this in one piece -- process these emotions in a healthy way -- so they don't accumulate & create depression again.

I intended to write a glowing testimonial about my withdrawal experience. Hopefully in a few months that post will come.

For now... well... UGH.

Encouragement would be most welcome.  8-)

Off to force myself to get some exerciese. It's a gorgeous day here.

-Bundles