Re: I'm a horrible horrible person.

A little late response, but better late than never. Look, we all do stupid things when we're kids. I know you feel bad about the things that you did but you shouldn't feel bad about it just like you shouldn't feel bad about every little mischief you did. We learn as we grow older and what you know today is all that matters, what's in the past is in the past. If you get stuck in old memories they will only give you agony for as long as you keep holding on to them. If you are the person you want to be today then don't worry about yesterday! I have a friend that is constantly haunted by old childhood memories and I can see that they have affected him a great deal. Don't end up reliving the same things, accept them and move on - be a stronger person each day and never look back.

As to your older cousin. He definitely took advantage over you, so you should cut all ties with him and react strongly if he does anything to you that you don't like. You must build up courage to make him feel unwelcome near you. Think about how many other boys he has manipulated the same way, how many lives he has affected. If he thinks it is normal to make a pass at young kids then he's a person you don't want in your life. It may be hard to deal with this, but just tell yourself that the fault was his and not yours. Now you are old enough to deal with this and you must put an end to this because he won't. Best of luck.