I'm a horrible horrible person.

When I was 10 and my brother was 8, I told him to massage me and asked him to massage where my nipples were. That happened once and I feel horrible, but something worse happened. When my little brother was 4 and I was 10 in his sleep I quickly made his hand touch me, it didnt last long but I still feel so disgusted. I never did anything like that before or after that but I still carry around the worst guilt. At the time all 3 of us shared a room until I was 13 and nothing like this happened before, and I made sure it didnt again. I feel sick to my stomach.

And the only reason its come up again for me is because I told my mum and aunty last night that when I was 14 and my older cousin was 31, he manipulated me and made me feel special because he knew that I was vulnerable and he fondled me. He told me that he'd liked for over a year and he tried to gain my trust. I was picked on a lot at school and felt very alone, and his attention made me feel great. I idolised him and he took advantage of it.

Since then I tried to maintain a healthy friendship with him because I didnt really understand what he did, and he recently slapped me on the ass and I keep away from him now. Because as an adult I know what he did was wrong. I thought I was so mature at the time but now that I've grown I know I wasn't. So now I've got all these things churning up inside of me and I feel deeply disgusted in myself about everything. I know i'm terrible. What can I do?
I had to get this off my chest, everything feels very surreal and funny.