Message deleted by T_Montreal

Miss H,

I heart you more and more every time you post. Don't worry, it's not a girl crush, lol! I just think in real life, we could be sisters or friends..well, we are already, I think:)

You said everything I was thinking and knowing- especially the last paragraph that Matt highlighted...the one about the Cancer type? I have known that and thought that for years...about myself. It's so sad when you know where you could be headed...and I have often said to myself and aloud- Is it going to take cancer for things to change? For ME to change and do what I NEED to do? I hope not, I really do.

I don't know how to get around the real world issues, and it's not just about other people. I am more and more aware of when/where I let myself down. Granted. There's not a lot of leeway here, and with the risk of whining, I still get up in the morning saying- tomorrow will be better, just make it until tomorrow. Because things feel that bad. I feel that bad. This is not very positive, eh?

On the flip side- the Universe is constantly working on my behalf. The people that have come into my life that have even given the slightest glimpses- the what I like to call-"Have you thought about THIS?"- moments, to me, are gold. I need people sometimes to show me a different way, a different light to things, because my vision gets narrow.

I do want to heal. I do. I am also aware- painfully so, as you stated- that the want to help/heal others- the wish for them to go beyond their limits and soar- is often so much more than the wishes I have for myself sometimes.

I am not yet convinced that *I Can* heal. I do not know. What I DO know is that the way I am going is not kosher most of the time, and making progress in spurts, only to fall again makes it harder to get back up all the time.

So there it is. I do know what I need to do. Can I?
(Time for another Conversation with God, I think)

Hugs(and pancakes!) Backatcha,

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