Irrelevancy

It would be lovely if this were all about judging the heart and intentions of another.  However, whether in his heart this man in question holds on to the dearest and most cherished feelings for his wife or not, the fruit/outcome is never the less a confused and frustrated woman who feels slighted at  the thought of her man wanting to observe her in bed with another man.

This has nothing to do with man bashing or over emotionalism.  So, you can defend your lofty, pseudo-spiritual thoughts as much as you want, and I'm not even going to disagree with you, but this woman needs practical advice and she needs it now.  No woman should have to face a situation where she has to wonder if something way off the normalcy scale by any standards is acceptable.   She has a right to wonder and if it were my own daughter I'd still be telling her:  Dump the jerk!

Moral relativity has no place in a discussion were someone is being subject to crap like this....