Re: I don't see the end of it...

Thank you for the encouragement. I really appreciate it.

This morning was rough, as I was feeling really hopeless. I even had suicidal thoughts, but after talking to my mom on the phone, I realized I couldn't do it to her... I started reading this forum again, as I did when I first found it a couple of years ago, I suddenly felt the strength within to go on and continue this fight... It's just been going on for too long. I had digestive problems as long as I remember. But the worst was yet to come. The bad odor started over 3 years ago. I remember that day very well. It was my first day in class, in college. Although I get a lot of compliments about being attractive, I struggled with self-image for the whole semester untill I failed the class and had to take a break for 8 months untill the next round of the program I was enrolled in started... I used that time to research about my problem and found this forum and Humaworm. My then boyfriend wasn't very supportive and didn't take the whole thing seriously... He even told me I made the whole thing with odor and parasites up. But I saw it on other people's faces, they could smell it.
Alcohol seams to trigger it the worst. If I have a drink, it either starts immediatelly or around midnight and continues through-out the night untill about 9-10 am or until I have a breakfast... It's very embarassing especially in a romantic setting. I tried to eliminate the alcohol for a few weeks, but it doesn't eliminate the odor, it just makes it less "stinky". Alcohol abstinency has greater social effect on me then I'd like it to have. It's such a social thing. My boyfriend loves taking me out to gourmet restaurants, bottle of wine is a must, it's part of the fine dining culture... I just want to have the sense of normalcy every 29 year old single girl has... I want to go on dates and not have to explain why am I not drinking, or be tense over the fear of the odor coming... It really lowered my quality of life... I get depressed and tired of it all, my concentration and memory is poor, I have acne on my back, white-heads and boils which leave scars and brown spots. I don't look healthy and envy people that radiate and look fresh and yummy smelling... I lost that... I think it happened on my trip to Juarez Mexico, where I didn't realize what consequences poor hygiene can have... Ever since I returned form that trip, my digestion wasn't the same. It started with (from what I know now) the classic signs: indigestion and itchy anus, crawling feeling in the whole body, including head, night sweats, nightmares, constipation, heart burn... It slowly progressed to skin problems, migranes, nausea, alcohol intolerance, constant flatulence, and finally most bothersome - BO... I can deal with everything else, but BO has really got me down... I want to meet the Mr Right, my bio clock is ticking, but with this problem it is not a good idea to be thinking of starting a family. I won't have anyone to start family with, I feel like a scunk, scarrying away potential mates... It's very difficult to live with myself at this point...

I am very embarassed to talk about my problem with my boyfriend. I know it would be beneficial for him to go on Humaworm regardless of the situation. I just don't know how to tell him and I am very scared of his reaction. Our relationship was going so well, it just felt right since the beginning...but now it is in ruins...I can feel hostility from him and silent outrage, although he never directly approached me with it... he mentioned that he would like to be notified if I felt his hygiene was inadequate... He was trying to start the conversation, but it would just be too humiliating for me to start explaining to him my theory of parasitic infestation and possibility of contaminating him... I went through that once already only to be looked at as a crazy person. Should I wait for him to ask me? I think he is too polite, that he would just break up with me giving me a lame reasoning, before he would in any way offend me by being blunt and open...

Sorry again for the longastic post. No one is probably going to read it in its entirety. It just feels in some way liberating putting thoughts into words and hoping someone will understand...
Thank you for reading...
Good luck to all here in this community who are also looking for answers and solutions. I hope it works out for you as well as it will for me.