Yep...'stalling' is my Waterloo

Yesterday I felt wonderful, even ready to tackle the 'collections' of stuff piled in the garage...and even the cleaning of this rented house so it would seem like a smoker never lived here.

On the other hand, dh, 84, was very tired from his morning's work...and wanted me to settle down and rest, so he wouldn't feel he needed to be up helping me. (He is a peach that way.)

He was also talking 'garage sale' and thinking how to get rid of our 'collections'.


But, I built those collections with purposes in mind. I really don't just want to dump them. So, I have been thinking of cheap places to store them...or even how to put them to use, crafting clubs and the like.

I went to sleep last night with the subject on my mind, and I DIDN'T have a talk with dh on what we will do.



This a.m. I got up at 5, which is becoming a habit, and came to the computer, which is also a habit because I have been practicing writing here.


And, I began to smoke, a lot.


Yesterday I only smoked a little, and felt like I was getting on top of it...nearly smoke-free, for me. I was even able to watch my lack of desire to smoke, at times, and be glad.

I popped in a lozenge a couple of times, and was okay with its nicotine content, until it tasted too strong, and I put the rest of the lozenge on a saucer.


Indecisions are common in daily life, and not everyone is able to sit down and talk it out with a significant other, in time.


So, do you think it is better to 'force' oneself, at times?

I saw discussion on Oprah's plane trip with folks who were afraid of flying.

The talk seemed to think the exercise was entirely about how much fear those people could take...how much they could train themselves to accept.


I have hoped that I would just 'forget' to smoke...and yesterday I was near that, but not today.


Just now I had my breakfast...and two cigs after it.


Shortly, I'll be out to do a small job of work.


I won't make myself some cigs to go driving, as I usually do.

I'll just act like a non-smoker for that short period of time.


And I'll try not to have any for the rest of the day.

Instead, I'll have a talk with dh and try to come to a compromise on our moving plans.


Try? Hell, I'll DO it...settle this indecision.


And, I'll face any anger or angst that may be behind the decision...WITHOUT snapping at anyone, or even feeling it, myself.


Talk to you later.

F.

Funny thing, I feel a gallstone in there this morning. Related?